CHANGRI-LA

Movin' on up...

2006-04-24T18:41:00.000-04:00

this is the transition post. i'm back, but on myspace now. think of this as the law school/buffalo blog and the new one www.myspace.com/changrila as my post-law school/orlando blog. a different period in life warrants a different forum. contrary to popular (really, just rachel's) belief, i'm not multi-bloggeral enough to maintain two at a time. it's better this way... i'm getting a digital camera and it's much easier to post onto myspace. so come visit me : )

Thawing Out : )

2006-01-04T14:01:00.000-05:00

12/26.
This was the last decent day I had until New Year's Eve. I picked Christian up from the airport and we hung out with Debbie and Gary later on at Spot. I'm going to miss Gebra...

12/27-30.
The move was in one word: grueling. It took days to throw away, give away, sell, leave by the curb, or pack everything I own. I managed to sell my old Volvo for next to nothing, which is fine with me because it took 40 minutes with jumper cables to get it running. Then, after a night of sleeping on the floor since all the furniture was gone, Christian and I hit the road. The trip was very, very long. I did all the driving due to the unfortunate combination of a small car and Christian being insanely tall. Drove 6.5 hours from Buffalo to NJ, where we visited some of Christian's relatives and stayed the night. Then the next morning 18 hours straight to Orlando. Total travel time: 24.5 hours; Time of arrival: 3am; Hour long traffic jams: 2; Speeding tickets: 1; Getting to Orlando: Priceless. I'm glad to be down here finally! I'm just kind of hanging out for a few days before looking for a job. I hear Buffalo isn't too cold nowadays... 37 is nothing, right?

12/31.
New Year's Eve, I hung out with J'Lynn and Randal. It's been at least five years when J'Lynn and I last saw each other in Orlando. It's gotten huge and more upscale looking. We went downtown and saw the orange drop. It looked like a big basketball falling five feet really slowly. But, hey, I got to see something drop and it was the most New Yearsy thing I've done in many years. We had a good time watching people, some of them very scantily clad, carouse through the streets in their drunken reverie. A bear - well, ok, a guy in a bear costume - guzzled down five beers in a beer bong. We saw him on his knees later in the middle of the crowd. Poor bear...

1/1
New Year's day, I had a nice visit with my dad. We had lunch, went grocery shopping at a Chinese-Vietnamese grocery store on Colonial or Mills, consolidated some of my stuff at the house because they'll be moving soon, and talked about, among other stuff, what my grandparents' parents did. Very interesting. We also talked to someone he works with and got the name of the person with Legal Aid. I'm considering the bar because that may be the smartest thing to do. Who knows... I'm going to start applying starting Monday.

1/2
I didn't get lost! I drove to Discount Auto Parts, Waterford Lakes, and the Fashion Square Mall and didn't get lost! Why is it that I went to 10 shoe stores and could not find one pair of size 5.5 comfortable, leather, thongless, brown or black, sandals with a slight heel. Is that really so much to ask for? I guess so since I couldn't any.

1/3
Christian and I visited Lila and Alice. We had coffee with Lila and helped Alice move in. It was really good to see them.

1/4
I took the dog Kata up to Jay Blanchard Park at 9am and jogged for a bit. I would've stayed longer if Kata hadn't been a maniac, pulling on the leash so hard it looked like I was abusing her. It got too annoying after a while. After that, I did a whole lot of nothing. Later on, J'Lynn and I are going to shop for some officey/interviewy type of clothes.

I'll have to find other ways to procrastinate...

2005-12-19T12:08:00.000-05:00

This is how I've written almost every paper. At the beginning of the semester, I know generally what I'm going to talk about and do a ton of research. Maybe even write up a rough outline. After a couple weeks, I ignore it until the end of the semester. Toward the end of the semester, I do more research, get the outline down, and most of the details if I have to give a presentation. If I'm motivated enough, a couple weeks before it's due, I'll do some writing. A week before it's due, I write like hell, pull a near-all-nighter the day before it's due, and edit up to the last minute. I'm actually going to miss this...

Advent Calendar

2005-12-18T16:38:00.000-05:00

18th - 7 days till Xmas... Work, Finish IEL Paper
19th - 6 days till Xmas... Work, Write ALH Take Home Exam
20th - 5 days... Work, Continue Writing ALH Take Home Exam
21th - 4 days... Edit IEL Paper; Finish ALH Take Home Exam
22th - 3 days... Help Koviena w/ voiceover, Hang out w/ Claire, Give away stuff
23th - 2 days... Pack like a maniac; bring stuff to Salvation Army; Hang out w/ Gebra
24th - 1 day... Pack and clean even more maniacally

My Replacement

2005-12-12T13:17:00.000-05:00

It scares the hell out of me that most of the people applying for my editing job don't know how to spell and have poor grammar. The least they could've done is spellcheck their application. One of the applicants speaks "Franch," another has good "writting" abilities, yet another has "a good grammar," etc. Spelling and grammar errors in an application for any job is bad enough, but to sprinkle them liberally in an app for a position as an editor is signing your own rejection letter.

U2 Rocked

2005-12-11T15:32:00.000-05:00

The concert was awesome. A few times throughout the show, they got on their soapbox about human rights, the oneness of humanity, and ending world poverty. But, they're U2, so they're allowed to do that. At least it was a good message. At one point, Bono brought a 9 or 10 year old boy on stage to chant "No more" with him. A poignant moment. It was a little strange, but still pretty cool when they showed the first five articles of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights on a huge screen behind them. I don't know where those guys get the energy - they played their hearts out for two and a half hours. We thought the show was over, but they came back and performed just as long as before the 2 or 3 minute break. Then, we thought the show was over again, and they came back and did like 5 more songs! Those sneaky guys... I'm really happy that they played their older songs for more than half the show. This one girl had a really good night when Bono took her up on stage, danced cheek to cheek with her, got down on one knee and kind of put his head on her stomach, singing the whole time. I think she asked him to kiss her, so he kissed her hand. It was sweet. Very cool how they get so into their audience.

Packing. U2 Concert.

2005-12-09T12:53:00.000-05:00

As usual, I'm amazed at how much crap I've managed to amass. Summer clothes, books, CDs, DVDs, shoes, pictures, sentimental stuff, and jewelry are packed away now. So far, that's 2 medium sized suitcases and 5 boxes and it hasn't even made a dent. This is after I ruthlessly donated 3 huge bags of clothes. Why do I have so much stuff? How come I didn't know I had so much stuff? I swear most of it just magically appeared b/c I don't shop that much! The Salvation Army will be seeing plenty of me in the next few weeks.

More exciting news: I'm seeing U2 tonight! Chris has an extra ticket and was nice enough to invite me rather than scalp it.

Nostalgic already. Movies. This time last year.

2005-12-07T12:52:00.001-05:00

Yesterday was my last day of class, possibly ever. I'm thrilled, but also a little sad. I've been in school for two decades and on December 22, my academic career will officially be over. As of now, I still have a paper, an exam, and a couple of short papers (3 pps.) to write. I hope to God I get a decent job within a couple months of graduating, because without school and without a job, I'm just a bum, and I'm going to be very not okay with going to law school to become a bum.

Tonight, I'm seeing a free advanced screening of Chronicles of Narnia. There are a ton of movies I want to see: Rent, Chronicles of Narnia, Aeon Flux, Pride and Prejudice. As for Aeon Flux, couldn't they have picked someone who looks more like her than Charlize Theron. She's sexy and a great actress, but Mila Jovanavich or Kiera Knightley look much more like Aeon Flux. Or even an unknown may have been more effective. Us grown up Gen X'ers who used to watch Aeon Flux on MTV know who she is and would see it w/o production spending a ton of money billing Charlize Theron. But, I haven't seen it yet, so I reserve the right to change my mind.

This time last year...
- I smoked half a pack a day.
- The house smelled like the art teacher's office.
- I paid the entire rent and all the bills for the nth consecutive month, squandering hard earned and borrowed money away on someone I used to trust.
- Car trouble was my hobby.
- I wished it was this time this year.

Almost Done!

2005-12-06T11:01:00.000-05:00

Turned in my DV paper today. Woo-hoo!

New toy. Sparky the laptop. Tuesday.

2005-12-04T12:20:00.000-05:00

I survived the forty minute presentation. It went by faster than I thought it would and most of the class was paying attention. Next challenge: 20 page paper due Tuesday morning. I have 7 pages as of now and rearranged my work schedule so I have Monday off to work on it.

The UPS guy showed up with my MP3 player this Friday. It also functions as a flash drive, so I copied everything from my laptop to my desktop. My poor laptop is on its last legs I think and I don't want to lose all my work from the last 3.5 years. It overheats and the jack for the power adapter is coming loose inside the laptop, so I have to prop up the cable when its plugged in. I think the connection is becoming less and less sensitive b/c I have to prop it up more each time. After I backed everything up, I used the laptop one more time - probably one of the last times. It actually sparked and made the electrical buzzing noise as I plugged in the power adapter. That's the problem with buying things second hand... the best years are gone - and so is the warranty - so it falls apart on you faster.

The goal is to have 15 solid pages and everything cited by the end of the day.

I can't wait til Tuesday. Then, this Domestic Violence paper will be over and I get to pick up my take home exam for American Legal History, continue writing my International Environmental Law paper, write a few short papers for Topics of Cultural History, and start packing. The key phrases that make me happy in that sentence are DV paper will be over and start packing. I'm getting antsy to leave here and wish I could start packing NOW. The exam and those papers need to be turned in on the 22nd. Christian comes up on the 26th. I hope to be mostly packed by then. There will be a day of cleaning and bringing things to the Salvation Army, and we should be out of here by the 29th.

Feel the Crunch!

2005-11-28T21:19:00.000-05:00

Why, oh, why is there a need for a 40 minute presentation on ANYTHING. Aarrrgghh. One of my favorite professors turns out to be a little sadistic. Thursday is the dreaded day. Topic: Climate change, the Inuit, and their petition in the Inter-American Commission on Human Rights alleging human rights violations (including the rights to property, culture, and subsistence) by the US (which emits 25% of the world's greenhouse gases) for refusing to curtail its greenhouse gas emissions. It should be a real hoot. Yes, I said "hoot."

After I give this presentation, I have another presentation in another 3 hour class. To top it all off, I have a short paper to turn in on that day. AND worrying about all of this and the tremendous amount of work I've been doing making sure I don't look like an idiot for 40 minutes has left me no time to write my term paper due in a week. CHRIST...

On a happy note - Congratulations, Esquire Chris : )

Mohawk, Mutua, Ask Questions

2005-11-21T18:41:00.000-05:00

It has been a real eye-opening experience taking classes with John Mohawk and Makau Mutua. I'm glad to have studied social history and human rights under these two amazing people. Some simple questions were asked that matter for two reasons 1) simply because they exist - knowledge for the sake of knowledge, and 2) because they reveal how human beings relate, how the world works, how this came to pass, and what can be improved - knowledge as practical to our history, our future, and our present lives. Some of the questions asked were: Why do we do what we do? Why do we protect certain ideas? Are there inalienable rights? How does society shape itself? Why should we care about that which stands in the way of progress? What is progress? What is quality? And so on...

9th book read in 2005:
In the Absence of the Sacred: The Failure of Technology and the Survival of the Indian Nations - Jerry Mander** (highly, highly recommended)

Must read for 2006:

Utopian Legacies - John Mohawk
"The Harried Society" - L.A. Times articles by Kent McDougall
Stone Age Economics - Marshall Sahlins
Open Veins of Latin America - Eduardo Galeano

this one's for you, j'lynn

2005-11-20T13:41:00.000-05:00

On this day in 2001, Leon Resnick, 31, of Florida, dies on jet ski when he's hit square in face by low-flying duck.

I hope the duck survived.

For other fun facts on "This Day in History" check the new feature on the sidebar.

Conversation with Dad

2005-11-19T14:19:00.000-05:00

I spoke with my father this afternoon. He's fine with me living with Christian whereas I thought he would be offended that I didn't want to live at home. I told him I should've listened to him regarding Mike, but I learned an important lesson on my own. He understood and said that some people aren't bad people or I wouldn't be with them, but their values are too different. He also said it's not that family isn't important - it is, but everyone should do what makes them happy. I couldn't agree more. For the first time maybe ever we see eye to eye. It took me growing up, and him mellowing out.

screwy night's sleep (not in a good way). "free" stuff.

2005-11-18T13:57:00.000-05:00

For me, Thursdays feel longer than the Ice Age. I'm sure I've bitched about it before. If not, I'm sorry to have deprived you and here is said bitching: Class 9:45-12:45, Class 1:15-2:45, Class 4:00-6:15, Class 6:15-9:15. After my notorious 12 hour Thursday, I went over to Claire's (she lives on campus) to make sure she has directions to the airport and we ended up hanging out for an hour or two. I met her friend (also law student) Stephanie Seitz, who is running for county legislator. We tore into the professors who should never have been let loose upon the student population. Good fun. After I came home, I chatted w/ my my roommate about relationships, moving, addictions, panic modes, etc. til 1 a.m. Then, I couldn't sleep, so watched some T.V. and finally went to bed around 2:30 a.m. At 4 a.m., I got up to drive Clarie to the airport for her 6 a.m. flight. I got up so god awful early because I wasn't sure what the roads were going to be like and to make time for the very possible situation of getting lost (sometimes, I have a better chance of getting to places w/o getting lost if I were driving blindfolded). The roads were fine, not too icy or snowy. And now I know my car handles really well in somewhat wintery conditions. Got home around 6 a.m. and slept til 10 a.m. Then got up, took a shower, checked email and what not, and met my boss and former tech writer for lunch at 11:30. I'm actually wide awake for having such a screwy night's sleep.

Tonight, Amy, Carlos, and I are going to see Wedding Crashers on campus. I'm all about the weekly free movie. Kind of weird to think that this is my last month or so of getting things for free by flashing my student I.D. Good-bye free gym, movies, printing, academic journal access, and lectures. I guess none of it was actually free since my student fee was paying for it. Hmph (the sound of disgruntlement).

Southtowns, Northtowns, Lake Effect Snow

2005-11-17T09:51:00.000-05:00

As I got closer to campus this morning, every tenth car or so was covered in snow. Must be the commuters from West Seneca, Lackawana, Hamburg, and other Southtowns, since Amherst, Tonawanda, and more northern cities and towns only got a little ice overnight.

Here's how lake effect snow works and why Buffalo gets more snow than say, Bangor, ME (thank you, Wikipedia).

Snow. 2005 Reading List.

2005-11-16T20:17:00.000-05:00

Stef and I were eating at Seoul Garden today, when it started snowing. Nothing serious, but definitely snow. Later, listening to NPR, I learned that we should get 2-4 inches and the South towns will get 6 inches to a foot. The thing I like least about snow is that I have to wake up 20 minutes earlier to brush it off of and warm up the car, then hope I don't die while driving on icy roads.

Before the year is through, one or two more may be added.
* = Recommended
** = Highly Recommended

Books read so far this year:

White Roots of Peace - Paul Wallace
Basic Call to Consciousness - Akwasasne Notes *
Infinite Self: 33 Steps to Reclaiming Your Inner Power - Stuart Wilde *
Choke - Chuck Pahlaniuk **
The Barbarians Are Coming - Louie Wong
A History of the Wife - Marilyn Yalom
Crooked Timber of Humanity: Chapters in the History of Ideas - Isaiah Berlin **
Public Vows - Nancy F. Cott *

If I used my time more wisely, I could read so many more good books.

Law School Appreciation Day

2005-11-14T16:22:00.000-05:00

The new tech writer I work with wants to go to law school. He's thinking of taking the LSAT next semester. I got some Chinese food after work and in line in front of me was a girl w/ two huge LSAT books. A couple weeks ago, a girl in one of my classes was considering going to law school and asked me what it was like. All these people who want to be where I am. I should appreciate this hellish experience more.

Timing Is Everything

2005-11-13T16:19:00.000-05:00

I always park in the Park Hall lot when I work at the law library on Sundays. So, today, I pulled into one of the multiple handicapped spots like I (and about a dozen other people) do every Sunday. While at work, I don't have a view of the lot, but today, I wandered into the back office to make a phone call w/o disturbing the library patrons. This office has a view of the Park lot and what did I see but this evil cop ticketing every car in a handicapped spot. He was two cars away from mine, so I abruptly said, "I'll call you back" and hung up, then made a mad dash out to the elevator, out of the library, out of O'Brian, and across the street to the Park lot, waving, and shouting, "Officer, I'll re-park it right now!" just as he began moseying over to my car. Like an idiot, I said, "I didn't know I couldn't park here." Honestly, I thought after 6 p.m. and on weekends you could park anywhere on campus. My roommate is convinced it's after 3 p.m. The cop pointed to the handicapped sign and said, "There's a handicapped sign right here." Guess we're both wrong.

And, yes, I do enjoy using cliches for entry titles.

Life as I know it is rolling to a halt.

2005-11-12T11:53:00.000-05:00

Lately, I've been in panic mode because my life as I know it is rolling (very quickly) to a halt. I'm graduating in a month and a half, and have 8 million things on my mind. I haven't found a job yet, need to find someone to sublet my apartment so I don't lose the security deposit, need to sell the Volvo (not going well), I have two 20 page papers to write, three presentations left, three books to read, three (3-5 pages) short papers to write, an exam to study for, have to try to sell all the furniture (aslo not going well), start packing soon, etc., etc. *deep breath* It's getting a little overwhelming. Instead of diving into it, I just want to sleep and do anything but any of those things.

I can't wait to get home. These 3.5 years have been rough. I did a lot of unnecessary things and learned most of my lessons the hard way. And I'm tired. But, now I know what I'm made of... and it's something like steel. In my mind, I've already graduated and am kicking back on a beach in Florida w/ a mai tai in hand... yes, in January. The tentative plan is to live w/ Christian until I find a job. If the job is in Orlando, then I'll probably still be housemates w/ Christian. At some point I want to visit J'Lynn for a week or two. While I'm in Orlando, I can apply for jobs until someone hires me. Also, I'd like to I take Chinese lessons from my dad and help him out with the property a couple days a week. I guess things will never be easy again like before law school. Those days are over.

Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang

2005-11-09T15:58:00.000-05:00

I went to a free screening of Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang Monday night.

Pros
1. Pulp fiction-film noir - love it
2. Really damn funny
3. Touching at times
4. Gratuitous nudity
5. Plays with words (e.g., Detective "Gay Perry," "nightly and most mornings")
6. Robert Downey, Jr.
7. Absurdist moments keep you guessing
8. Liked the whole magician and quick hands thing
9. Nice cinematography (usually true of film noir-ish movies)

Cons
1. Val Kilmer's accent/lisp
2. Why is Harry so dumb?
3. Femme fatale is super spastic
4. Convoluted as hell plot
5. Missed my exit on the highway - damned 18 wheelers not letting me through - and had to drive 15 miles to the next exit, then loop back - so went 30 miles out of my way to see it. But, it was free.

Self-Induced Rampage

2005-11-07T21:52:00.000-05:00

Do you ever feel a rampage of some kind coming on? You know, the feeling of wanting to do something crazy or becoming a born-again something? I don't think I can be a born again Christian if I wasn't one to begin with. That would just be converting.

Moral Midgets

2005-11-06T13:10:00.000-05:00

Why are people so insecure that there can't be openness and honesty? It has come to my attention that there is behavior which is frequent, yet wrong. And the perpetrator of the oft-tolerated, but disrespectful, behavior probably just dismisses the fact that he did such a thing. Do I just need to accept that this happens because people are people and they will do what they do, or continue to rail against it in my moral indignation?

Epiphany #2 of the Year: Ideas, Perceptions, and Values. Isaiah Berlin's Crooked Timber of Humanity.

2005-11-06T09:42:00.000-05:00

While reading Isaiah Berlin's The Crooked Timber of Humanity: Chapters in the History of Ideas, something tweaked in my mind and my continually repressed bohemian values resurfaced. The gist is, throughout history, there have been different ideals, different ways of thinking, and in my life, there have been different ways of thinking. Now, the 9 to 5, 40 hrs a wk, editing at a desk model is fading in favor of something freer, something closer to home. Why can't I canoe down the St. John's River today if I feel like it (if I were in Florida)? Why am I firmly planted in the culture of debt as if this were normal? Why are living expenses so damn high everywhere I look? Why am I paying to insure my car, my health? Why are my taxes going to god knows what? Why are religious values and agendas inextricable from our government?

The Crooked Timber of Humanity: Chapters in the History of Ideas
– Isaiah Berlin

This collection of essays by Isaiah Berlin serves the very important purpose of explaining the transformation of political and intellectual trends in Europe. In eight lucid and succinct essays, Berlin explains how and to what extent the pendulum swung from ancient Greece to the twentieth century. Political and cultural ideologies have ranged from the attempt to attain utopia, to romanticism, to fascism, and now to our modern nationalism.

The notion of utopia, or the ideal state, may seem strange to us today; however, Plato and countless others after him believed that there are commonly held beliefs among all humanity, universal truths were discoverable, and upon discovery, utopia was possible and ought to be the ultimate goal of society. These views grew out of Plato’s assertion that all questions have a central answer, all answers are knowable, all answers are true, and therefore cannot contradict any other answers. This utopia was essentially a perfect static state in which no conflict would occur and timeless peace would reign.

Throughout other periods of history, intellectuals rejected the concept of an ideal state because they recognized that if the ultimate truth is knowable, there is no freedom of choice. To attain this truth, this ideal state, those who held the power and knew the way of discovering the truth were willing to crush the individual to maintain public order. Individual thought would allow for room to doubt the objectives of the state, so dissent would not be tolerated. Writers like Aldous Huxley and George Orwell warned of the oppressive nature of a government whose goal was utopia, and created worlds in which the monolithic ideal state was anything but a reassuring goal for humanity.

Utopia as a tenable goal began to decline as relativism became popular during the French Enlightenment. Relativism is essentially the idea that there are many different types of perfect societies since what is ideal for one culture may not be ideal for another, and since there are many types of perfect societies according to culture, tradition, religion, etc., then a single perfect society as envisioned by Plato is illogical. In this relativist model, values cannot be universal, and thus, are not discoverable, but are instead created by the individual and the culture. A powerful force of some kind (whether superpersonal - religion, the people, the class, the state - or from the individual self - the ego) drives the formation of values. In the history of ideas, the concept that differences are to be celebrated replaced utopian ideals, which were deemed dangerous due its inevitable tendency to oppress the individual in the name of a great state objective. However, fascism grows out of extreme Romanticism. Just as each painter or author is free to create what he considers the epitome of beauty, a statesman is free to construct what he considers the ideal state. I think Berlin is saying that essentially the outcome of both striving for utopia and extreme Romanticism is fascism though he does not directly say this.

After the Thirty Years War, France became the cultural center of the world and gained great military power, Italy and Spain also flourished, but Germany remained provincial and grew to hate its neighbors - especially France. The nation was essentially traumatized as after the Thirty Years War, it could not develop as quickly as France, remained on the outskirts of the Enlightenment and Renaissance which swept through much of Europe, and was looked down upon as a backward country. Germany rejected the romanticism France had to offer, and turned to a darker vision of governance. To recover from such trauma, a country must invoke their rich, historical past, and if there is none, an unrealistic optimism instead - their backwardness is simply a symbol of the youth of the nation and heralded bigger, better things to come. Germany did just this to revive its national spirit; it rallied itself by rejecting and resenting their neighbor-enemy's values, and exaggerated its own virtues. The resistance to exploitation and a human need to belong to a group, according to Berlin, are key elements of nationalism.

Ultimately, Berlin believes that throughout history, different societies embrace different ideologies, so no single form of governance or philosophy is better than another, but rather the solution is tolerance. Such a conclusion is realistic, and practical to preserving a fragile peace, although a bit anti-climatic. Perhaps I expected some sort of revelation, some sort of answer, but if an answer were available, then that would mean questions have answers, and answers are knowable, therefore, maybe an ideal state is possible. Essentially, if I expected Berlin to give a definite answer as to the preferred ideology, then I could not claim to have learned anything from this collection of essays.

An amazing read. Basically, throughout history, the pendulum has never stopped swinging and norms have never stopped changing. Why then must I confine myself to the notion that what I wanted to pursue is the only way to be? I'm close to renouncing the pursuit of the bourgeois lifestyle for something of more substance. I'm flirting with the idea of going to Taiwan for a year or two, teaching English again, really learning my language so that it can be an asset, and spending some time with my mom there. Living expenses will be dirt cheap, the school would probably provide me with housing, and it'll be something different from this. Would there be more or less alienation in Taiwan than here? That, I don't know. But, I think I know enough to know when I'm not ready for something. There have been numerous times I've done something because I was expected to or wanted to take up the challenge, but I wasn't really ready. Have you ever read a book in your youth, then read it again several years later to discover its a much better and different book than what you read years ago? Some things, you do better when you're older, when you're ready. The history of ideas shows that values are affected by perception, by context, by what the country needs and wants, and is willing to accept as the truth at that time; the history of personal development should follow the same tenet.

Judge of Character.

2005-11-05T22:26:00.000-05:00

It amazes me that time after time I confuse the assholes for the good guys. I'm beginning to think I'm a terrible judge of character. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted.

Whaddaya Know... I Did Learn Something

2005-11-02T15:09:00.000-05:00

Well, I feel particularly useful today. I pointed out a potential legal issue on one of the docs I edited at work. A bunch of big wigs were gathered in the printing room, when I came in to drop something off, they went, "There she is!," and much talk proceeded regarding the legal comment. Go me.

My mom got married!

2005-11-02T13:10:00.000-05:00

My mom got married! I haven't met him since they're in Taiwan, but I hope he's a nice guy and makes her happy. I am very impressed with the fact that he's 12 years younger than her. Go, mom!

Keepin' It Real.

2005-11-01T10:58:00.000-05:00

Ever meet a nice boy, but not keep it as real as you c/should've b/c you're so nervous? Um, yeah, me either.

Hire Me and I'll Name My First Born After You

2005-10-26T16:26:00.000-04:00

Finally, I sent out some job applications today. Around 15. I also got a random call from an employer involved in language testing who saw my resume on Monster. Too bad I don't read and write Chinese. That should be my new hobby - learning my damn language. They gave me a spontaneous phone interview which lasted like 20 minutes. It went well. Not quite as scary as previously imagined. Friday, I'm going to buy a suit and do some practice interviews next week at Career Resources. Also, I want my car radio back in commission! Singing to myself has made me start talking to myself. I'm sure this is unhealthy.

Time Should Be on My Side. Interview Qs.

2005-10-23T13:17:00.000-04:00

A friend of mine in school is so modest that I only found out yesterday that he ran the Boston marathon, plays at least two musical instruments, makes documentary films about refugees, and has traveled the country numerous times. I'm very inspired to learn all of this. I've always said that law school saps the life out of you, but really, it doesn't have to. I need some hobbies. Things that are cheap and I really enjoy. Things that don't feel like work and are very rewarding. I've already kicked my two worst habits - the only one to really work on now is procrastination. I need to make better use of my time. Okay, no TV and no insanely long phone calls for two weeks. Instead, I'll focus on my studies, send out my resume, cover letter, and references since that's finally done, and think of answers for these interview questions. If I do have extra time, I'll go to the gym, do some creative writing, or brush up on my Chinese.

I got a list of interview questions from Career Services at the law school and am even more nervous about interviewing now. Like I know this stuff... Here's a sampler for you:

1. What do you expect to be earning in five years?
2. What do you really want in life?
3. What do you see yourself doing five years from now?
4. How do you determine or evaluate success?
5. How would you describe yourself?

Paralysis. Dirtiness. Tonight. Colin Powell and Nature of "Co-equal" Relationships.

2005-10-22T13:21:00.000-04:00

Lately, I feel paralyzed when it comes to doing anything useful. I'm going to blame this cold that didn't really go away and now is definitely back. But, really, it's a more deeply rooted problem called "procrastination" in academia and "being a lazy ass" in the real world.

Right now, I'm not, but I feel dirty like I need a shower.

Tonight, Sean is going to help me out w/ the Volvo, then I'm going to Babak's (Anthony's) get-together.

Colin Powell came to speak at UB last Wednesday. Word is he received a standing ovation while the protestors outside the arena decried him as a war criminal. You know, it's a touchy subject... Just how far do you go for your job? For me, it depends on if what I'm asked to do strangles my conscience. Operate AV equipment for the Commencement I was supposed to walk at - a bit indigant, but, eh, alright... Participate in the systematic extermination of millions of Jews - NOOO. Though you provide goods and services for a (presumably) comparable wage, the relationship between employer and employee is hardly equal. The topic of employment is still referred to as Master-Servant law in legal digests which key you to the appropriate statutes. It's odd that what seems should be equal relationships - landlord-tenant, employer-employee, buyer-seller - because you're exchanging equal commodities should be so lopsided. Sure, there are countless factors to account for the phenomenon, but on its face, it doesn't seem right that there should a dominant and a submissive party in a co-equal transaction.

Busy Busy Busy

2005-10-19T11:44:00.000-04:00

To Do:
1. 4 short papers on books I haven't read
2. Domestic Violence Law Outline
3. A LOT of reading
4. Finish cover letter
5. Read lit on interviewing so I don't look like an idiot (if that can be helped)
6. Do some research on the companies I'm applying to customize cover letters
7. Send out cover letter, resume, and references
8. Sell Volvo before it starts snowing
9. Start International Environmental Law paper

Arrgghh!! I think I'll be busy until I die.

Cooking up a storm. Volvo's running. English grad students.

2005-10-16T17:35:00.000-04:00

Amy's dad, Joe, and his wife, Kris, are visiting her this weekend, which is great for me b/c:
1. Kris gave Amy a crockpot which is being put to good use
2. Amy made a pumpkin pie and I had a slice
3. Amy cooked dinner for them one day, so I had delicious jerk chicken, veggies, and a nice salad
4. Kris baked an apple pie - if any is left by the time I get out of work, I'll probably have a slice
5. I'm sleeping with Amy! About time I slept w/ someone...
6. The house smells like beef stew and pie... mmm...
7. Joe started the Volvo (quite an ordeal), so I'm relieved to know I won't be on alternator #5, and can finally try to sell the car
8. I miss family... they're not mine, but I can pretend

Gary and I went out to Cozumel w/ a bunch of people from the English department last night. Great bar on Elmwood and Allen. One of the guys kept buying everyone drinks - no complaints here. I get along really well w/ people from the English department. They're my kind of people. Law students are fine, but I have way more in common with English grad students. At one point I got into a debate over politics w/ one of the girls. Totally inadvertant, don't ask me how it happened. I was tempted to rip her argument to shreds b/c things were getting heated as she really wanted to get her point across. But, she's 21 and I was just out to have a good time, so I graciously let her belabor her point. It bothers me when someone takes on an argumentative tone when discussing things so that it seems like they'll explode if you have a different point of view. The point is to make your point w/o sounding like an asshole. Moment of realization - I probably sounded like an asshole at 21.

I would buy this CD...

2005-10-10T17:16:00.000-04:00

Ben Harper - Diamonds on the Inside
Led Zeppelin - Kashmir
Blackstar (Mos Def and Talib Kweli, ft. Common) - Respiration
Blackstar (Mos Def and Talib Kweli) - Definition
Kid Rock ft. Sheryl Crow - Picture
Bob Seager - Turn the Page
Joss Stone - Right to be Wrong
Joss Stone - At Last
Allman Brothers - Stormy Monday
Jimi Hendrix - Angel
Lynard Skynard - Simple Man
Santana - Black Magic Woman
Santana ft. Chad Kroger - Why Don't You and I
Sublime - 40 Oz. to Freedom
Tim McGraw - Barbecue Stain
Neil Diamond - Sweet Caroline
Lost Boys - Rene
Pulp - Common People
Rick Springfield - Jesse's Girl
Gavin DeGraw - Chariot

Garlic and Robitussin. Chris.

2005-10-09T13:25:00.000-04:00

This is a hell of a cold. Bleah. I've been eating cloves of garlic like I'm expecting a vampire attack and downing Robitussin with reckless disregard. The working out is on hold until I can breathe through my nose again. I was starting to think I would kind of miss Buffalo until a few days ago when the beautiful summer turned into a cold, wet, and dreary haze. Thank God this is my last winter here. Bleah.

Although this has been a good weekend b/c Chris is visiting from Albany. We went to the driving range yesterday, grabbed some lunch, and have been just hanging out. : )

What Energy Policy?

2005-10-04T21:10:00.000-04:00

Don't be fooled... it looks like a mini-van or even an Econo-van, but I can almost guarantee it's Scion-sized or smaller. This little guy, the Wuling Sunshine, gets 43 mpg city driving and costs the equivalent of $5000 USD. If China can do this, why can't America at least try? We emit 25% of the world's greenhouse gases, the primary factor in global warming/climate change, and we don't sign on to the Kyoto Protocol when most other industrialized countries have, we don't have more stringent CAFE (Corporate Average Fuel Economy) standards like European countries, and the federal government sits on its hands when it could fund fuel alternatives. Let's just not b/c a few people want to get exceedingly, disgustingly, disturbingly rich and being a superpower comes with a superego (not in Freudian terms) which doesn't play well with others.

Goal: The Ass of a 23 Year Old. Random Loss of Key Function. Not-So-Random Recovery of Brain Function.

2005-09-27T23:23:00.000-04:00

I've exercised for a week straight now. Rollerblading, jogging, ellipticalling.

Wednesday - 30 min on the elliptical
Thursday - 30 min on elliptical
Friday - 1/2 mile and 20 minutes on the elliptical
Saturday - 4 miles rollerblading
Sunday - 2.5 miles rollerblading
Monday - 2 miles jogging (1 mile on the track, short break, 1 mile on the treadmill)
Tuesday - 1.5 miles jogging today (1/2 mile on the track, short break, 1 mile on treadmill)

It's been kind of fun. Rollerblades in the car, gym clothes in my locker on campus and of course at home. Since I quit smoking (almost a month now), I'm able to run a mile without feeling like my heart will explode. I think I'm in better cardiovascular shape than before I started smoking 3.5 years ago. But, I'll have to work on the weight machines and give the cardio a day or two b/c my knee is killing me after jogging today.

A few months ago, the letter "l" mysteriously stopped functioning on my laptop. Later that day, it was fine. Today, as I typed up notes for the International Environmental Law presentation (which went really well), 3 very useful keys (o, l, and .) decided to stop working. Now, they're fine. What can you do? At least the hissy fits don't last too long.

I think I'm getting my brain function back. Also, getting over my fear of public speaking a little.

Reasons Why My Friends Rock.

2005-09-25T15:26:00.000-04:00

10. They don't ask me to pay up for their AAA membership even though I use it more than they do.

9. They compare me to Velveeta cheese in the best possible way.

8. They let me kvetch (incessantly) about the garbage I took out in late March.

7. They accompany me in the process of ass-firming and flab-losing.

6. They use their infinitely abundant powers of persuasion to help me remove late charges.

5. They don't laugh (much) at the fact that I'm afraid of ghosts.

4. They never refer to me and midgets in the same sentence.

3. They are my own personal Dr. Phils (e.g., the concensus is that I'm still sane).

2. They ply me with liquor and enable me to arrive home safely as I can simply stumble across the hall.

1. They fill me in on my life since I have the memory of a goldfish with amnesia.

The Week.

2005-09-25T13:21:00.000-04:00

Monday

Last Monday, Debbie decided to grace America with her presence again. On her vacation home from Japan, we ate some good 'ol American food at Cole's, kvetched about men, and did a little Internet research on Richard Gere and the Supreme Court (unrelated, of course). She brought me lovely presents - I'm very excited to own Asian dishware and chopsticks again! As always, we had a great time. That girl is a riot.

Friday

Last Friday, Claire and I went to the Albright Knox Art Gallery to watch The General, a silent film by Buster Keaton. Keaton is pretty darned brilliant and ahead of his time. Also, he's like the Jackie Chan of that era - extremely dextrous and does his own stunts. The film was accompanied by a pianist who improvised the entire score. Very impressive. On Fridays the Albright Knox is free, so we walked around and viewed the art exhibit (Abstraction) afterwards. I've wanted to visit the Albright Knox since I got here more than 3 years ago, but didn't until Claire said the magic word: "Free." Abstract art is not my cup of tea, but it was still interesting.
Coming from San Francisco, Claire voiced the common complaint of lack of good food in Buffalo. We drove down the Elmwood Strip (an eclectic and possibly my favorite part of Buffalo) and ate at Saigon Cafe. She remarked about half a dozen times that it was the best meal she's had in Buffalo. There's nothing like a truly satisfying meal at a reasonable price. I won't steer you wrong when it comes to food.
Then, we hit up Hardware, a kind of artsy bar where a live band played a variety of music from Led Zeppelin to classical Spanish guitar. Quite enjoyable.

Saturday

My roommate Amy and I tried to breed her Beta fish in the morning to no avail, studied a bit, then took advantage of the beautiful weather and went rollerblading on the Canalway Trail of the Erie Canal. I didn't know Buffalo had such a nice trail along the waterfront of the Erie Canal until yesterday, though it's less than a 10 minute drive from our apartment. We did about 4 miles of the 6 mile trail. It was so refreshing to see a large body of clean, blue water in Buffalo. I got a little nostalgic as it felt a bit like when my dad, my cousin Jimmy, and I used to walk around Lake Eola in downtown Orlando or rollerblade down Cady Way Trail in Winter Park.

2 weeks.name change.comedy club.lexis session.cesspool.

2005-09-16T14:15:00.000-04:00

Well, I think I've done it. I've survived two weeks as a non-smoker! Woo-hoo! The first four or five days were kind of torturous, even though I was using the patch. Now, I only occasionally get the urge to smoke... maybe once a day, usually when I'm bored.

I've thought it over a lot and think that my J.D. diploma should have my American name rather than my Chinese name. Maybe I'll even change my name legally to Jenny. I had the chance to do so when I was 12, but didn't because I didn't want to lose my Chinese roots, but it's become inconvenient to have a legal name and a nickname that's really more like my actual name. Also, it's silly to think I'll be less Chinese just because I change my first name since I still have a Chinese last name and will always be Chinese as well as American no matter what my name is.

A couple of friends from law school, my roommate and her friend, and I are goint to the comedy club tonight. We're going to try to get there 20 minutes early so we won't be at the front tables - directly in sight of the comedian and easy targets.

I drove up to campus today for a Lexis training session at the law library on my only day this week when I didn't have to be on campus only to remember that it's next Friday. Oh, well, I'll be back next Friday. These Lexis sessions are pretty helpful for doing legal research and help bank points so I can get a free MP3 player soon.

In my Topics in Cultural History class, we talked extensively about plagues throughout history that have wiped out the better part of civilizations. It's a little alarming that New Orleans (and neighboring towns and cities) residents are moving back to their homes already when dead bodies are still floating in the water. It's terrible that so many people have died, and yet more people will die from whatever diseases may be brewing there.

What do you want on your tombstone?

2005-09-12T14:52:00.000-04:00

Aristocrats. History of the Wife. It wasn't what it was.

2005-09-10T09:48:00.000-04:00

Gary and I saw the Aristocrats yesterday. Really fascinating kind of documentary about making a joke your own. Immensely vulgar and oddly satisfying. It consists of the set up, the improvised middle, and the punchline. Another popular formula, though not a joke, is that the hero must lose before he can win.

Reading a very interesting book: A History of the Wife - Marilyn Yalom

Sometimes you reflect upon your life and realize certain people weren't who you thought they were. How they were a far cry from what you thought they were. It's a somber and humbling moment. But you probably could've known what they really were if you had been vigilant, if you had been your priority. You wonder how you gave so much and put so much faith into anyone when they didn't even try, then just kicked you in the ass in the end. It's worse than a slap in the face. You can't believe how stupid you were.

You didn't know they weren't who you thought they were. Or did you? If you did, you wonder how you could've "opened one eye, and closed one eye" - or knew what was going on, but didn't want to look at it, so pretended not to see, b/c acknowledging it made it so much more real.

Sure, it's great if they're a good person, but are they really a good person if it's not seen in what they do? I'd say they're just paving the road to Hell. Forrest Gump would say, "Stupid is as stupid does." Yes, I know I just quoted Forrest Gump. Or you can look at it this way - they did some horrible thing they didn't mean to do, are they off the hook? No, it's like manslaughter... they didn't intend to mow down a pedestrian with their car, but they did, and now there are consequences regardless of their intent.

Here's the kicker... they don't want to deal with the consequences, with reality, so they leave the burden with you - the person who tried so hard to help them. They don't even try to help dig you out of the hole that they put you in when you denied your own needs to help them. Serves you right for being stupid, right? You gave and gave, they took and took. You learn you don't always have to help people. That you can't stop anyone from drawing their own chalk outline on the driveway. That they took you down with them whether or not they meant to. Finally, you know what they're really like. Who they really are. You see a degree of selfishness that you didn't think was possible. You're astounded, indignant that they could pour alcohol on an open wound. You're so disappointed that this is what it really is. You at least wanted your memories, but even those are tarnished now. You're amazed by the hurt and anger that taints everything associated with them, and how it feeds something you've never felt before: hatred.

the friggin' alternator went again

2005-09-08T15:17:00.000-04:00

i have no words to express my seething frustration. apparently, i'm not meant to drive. luckily, i have a lifetime warranty, so will get the problem taken care of for free. also, my connection cables are bad.

on a lighter note, debbie is coming home from japan for a few days. it'll be good to see her.

the friggin' alternator went

2005-09-01T12:51:00.000-04:00

Dropping $400 on the Hyundai for the alternator and an alternator belt killed my day and any plans for a trip to Florida this semester.

Still haven't sold the Volvo either. It may be time to drop it off at an auction.

Most days

2005-08-30T13:16:00.000-04:00

Most days I work, school, fight nicotine urges, and have nothing to say. This is one of them.

Fall 2005 Classes

2005-08-26T15:47:00.000-04:00

For the first time in a long time, I'm excited about the upcoming semester. I like my classes, my professors, and my schedule. My schedule looks pretty good other than one 12 hour day w/ class, work, class (one is nothing... one semester I had 3 10-12 hour days). I like my job. I have 20 hours a week. All is good.

2 of the classes start Monday, 3 of them start the Monday after that. I can only work 20hrs/week due to law school regulations when school's in session, so next week before law classes begin, I managed to get 38 hours between my 2 jobs. Woo-hoo! Definitely a good thing.

AMERICAN LEGAL HISTORY

I know and like the professor. Did really well in his class a year ago. Topic is pretty interesting.

INTERNATIONAL ENVIRONMENTAL LAW

I know and like the professor. Did really well in his class last semester. Topic is pretty interesting. I like International Law and care about the environment.

DOCTRINES IN AMERICAN JURISPRUDENCE

Basically a review of first year of law school. A good class to take for the Bar (though I probably won't take it). Somewhat interesting. I like reviews of learned material. Of the learned material in first year, I really enjoyed Torts.

FIELD METHODOLOGY (Originally an English class; transferred over for law credit; had to petitition to do so, and explain it's relevance to my legal education and/or career objective; so had to develop an idea of how I wanted to "legalize" the class.)

I toyed with the idea of writing a novella for my Field Methodology class (a short Grishamesque piece by basing the story on a case I found worthwhile, but one semester to churn out a 100 page manuscript while taking 4 other classes and working is just too much pressure. And I don't want to turn in crap. Plus, it's my last semester.

So, instead, I will be exploring the topic of The Lawyer in Popular Culture. Lawyers used to be heroes, just look at Atticus Finch of To Kill a Mockingbird. He was of upstanding moral character, defended a black man in a racist town in the deep South, and he was a single father of two children. The lawyer in "Bartleby" by Melville consistently tried to help his antisocial, waif-like scrivener, Bartleby, even though the scrivener refused his help.

Now, we have the lawyer as greedy, demonic (see The Devil's Advocate), and sleazy. Now, they are soulless and follow a code of ethics taught in the first year of law school that I've referred to, maybe unfairly, as "Brainwashing 101." Now, they plea bargain left and right, eschew justice for the bottom line, and refuse to disclose the location of slain victims. And that's all we see anymore.

When did this happen? How did this happen? How did the lawyer become the fallen hero when there are still champions of justice and compassion out there? Plenty of them, in fact, work pro bono or take the lesser paying, but more personally satisfying job. Where is their kudos nowadays?

For my project in Field Methodology, I'll examine the factors that led to this phenomenon, as well as media (books, movies, etc.) which depict the lawyer in this extreme negative light.

Also, Debbie and Gary have had classes with him and say he's not a hardass.

TOPICS IN CULTURAL HISTORY (Originally an American Studies course; transferred over for law credit; had to petition to do this, explaining the relevance of the class to my legal education and/or career objective; hence, I've "legalized" the class.)

Although America is a country created by immigrants for immigrants (with the exception of Native Americans), its laws regarding immigration have often been restrictive. This is especially true for the "New Immigrants," who arrived between 1840 and 1920 (Asian, Irish, Italian, and Eastern Europeans), as they were visibly and/or religiously different from the first wave of immigrants consisting of mostly Germans, English, and the Dutch who were fair skinned and Protestant. I will focus on Asian immigration policies during this period embodied by the Chinese Exclusion Act, the Gentleman's Agreement, and literacy tests rather than the open arms promised in Emma Lazarus' poem engraved into the base of the Statue of Liberty, which proclaims, "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free." Also, I would like to examine the immigration practices of Angel Island since Ellis Island is a well-known part of American immigration history, but Angel Island on the West coast, where many Asian immigrants were processed, is seldom mentioned.

I've had a sort of fascination with Angel Island since I learned about it in Asian American Literature in Undergrad.

Plus, I know and like the professor and did really well in his class last semester.

*Note: Really well = A

Whispering Sweet Nothings...

2005-08-24T15:10:00.000-04:00

Here's a bonding moment between me and Ross's dog at Inna's party. Note: As you can see, we're about the same size. He snorted and wheezed the whole night, and we were all convinced he was going to keel over at any minute. Poor muzzleless puppy.

The party was a blast. I drank a whole lot more than intended and ended up having a couple of cigarettes. But, I've been good ever since. Today, I broke down and slapped on the patch. It's not even that I want a cigarette, it's that the jittery and annoyed feeling lasts all day sometimes.

Thursday in the Square. Comix Cafe. Inna's Party.

2005-08-19T09:32:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, we went to Thursday in the Square. I try to make it down there once every summer. John Waite was playing... he had a couple of well-known songs and great hair. It was a very nice chestnut brown and bounced, voluminesced, and shone in the sun. I was amidst a sea of smokers and didn't cave. So, this is Day 3. It's going pretty well. Woke up only slightly wanting a cigarette, then took a shower, and haven't felt so clean in a long time.

Tonight, we're going to a comedy club. It'll be fun. Tomorrow, instead of Toronto, we'll go to Inna's going away party. Understandably, the 3 hour round trip doesn't sound so good when they have to drive 13 hours to GA the next morning.

Nic Fit #402719

2005-08-18T16:24:00.000-04:00

Day 2's lack of nicotine is actually much more painful and of less resolve than Day 1. I have my arsenal of anti-craving material: Goldfish, water, coffee, gum, OJ. Trying to keep the stuffing of the face to relatively healthy things. The coffee shouldn't even be in there, but when my head starts pounding, substituting caffeine for nicotine helps just ever so slightly in alleviating the afternoon-long headache. Doing the deep breathing as well. All day, my mantra has been, "I'm a non-smoker, I'm a non-smoker, non-smokers don't smoke." Argh. Yes, I'm jittery. Yes, I'm irritable. I'm even drowsy. Honestly, I don't want a cigarette, but I do feel like punching a wall repeatedly.

Momentum from Memento

2005-08-17T11:59:00.000-04:00

Last night, J'Lynn, Randal, and I walked around Elmwood, ate at the Spot, and watched Memento. Good movie, but I didn't fully get it until after watching it the second time.

I gleaned a bit of inspiration from the movie. The main character loses his short term memory, but is convinced he can condition himself to develop new memories. Even if that may not be true, habit is a result of conditioning, so in order to lose a habit (e.g., smoking), I need to recondition or uncondition myself. Also, if I approach this w/ the mentality that I'm a non-smoker, maybe I'll condition myself to believe that I actually am, which will make quitting easier (since I never wanted a cigarette when I didn't smoke).

I'm also reading this book, "Changing for Good," which my roommate who is a nurse recommended.

I really think I can do it this time. Especially while I have good influences around me.

Visitors

2005-08-16T15:35:00.000-04:00

J'Lynn and Randal came up Saturday morning. They drove for 13 hours to see me and arrived at the crack of dawn, so it was naptime until 11am or so. We had a pretty good weekend. But the paper took way longer than I expected. I wasn't a very good host Monday, but I did write 10 out of 15 pages in 1 day... that was pretty impressive. We just popped in Mr. and Mrs. Smith and ate some dinner. Question: Will Angelina still be that hot when she's 60, like a female Sean Connery? After work today, we may go to the driving range. One of these nights, we should go out, maybe to Cozumel - fun, large, but not crazy bar on Elmwood.

Saturday - Niagara Falls (Three Sisters Island, Goat Island, etc.)
Sunday - Six Flags Darien Lake (rode 4 roller coasters, 2 of them twice, saw a couple of shows)
Monday - Work, Paper
Tuesday - Work, Driving range maybe

Work is just crawling by today...

Anyone want to write my paper?

2005-08-12T13:35:00.000-04:00

J'Lynn and Randal are coming up tomorrow! : D This paper will be at least 80% done by then. It's like a knife in my side. Ok, maybe a pocketknife. Or a plastic butterknife. Ooh, that would be more painful. It's about the ramifications of the Grokster holding on the modding community. Whoop-dee-friggin'-doo.

What used to be a roar is now a "ppffffffff..."

2005-08-09T03:07:00.000-04:00

Couldn't sleep, so started flipping/scrolling through old journals. I used to be much more passionate about things...

I suspect this is by Pulp. Great lyrics, never heard the actual song:

"Ophelia"
Ophelia was a bride of God
A novice Carmelite,
In sister cells, the cloister bells,
tolled on her wedding night
Ophelia was the rebel girl,
A blue-stockinged suffragette
Who remedied society between her cigarettes
And Ophelia was the sweetheart to a nation overnight
Curvaceous thighs, vivacious eyes
Love was at first sight,
Love was at first sight, love
Ophelia was a demi-goddess
In pre-war Babylon
So statuesque, a silhouette
In black, satin evening gowns
Ophelia was the mistress to a Vegas gambling man
Signora Ophelia Maraschina
Mafia courtesan
Ophelia was the circus queen, the female cannonball
Projected through five flaming hoops
To wild and shocked applause
To wild and shocked applause
Hey, he-he-he-he-hey,
Ophelia was a tempest, cyclone, a god-damned hurricane
Your common sense, your best defense lay wasted and in vain
For Ophelia'd know your every woe and every pain you'd ever have
She'd sympathize and dry your eyes
Help you to forget
And help you to forget
And help you to forget
Ophelia's mind went wandering
You'd wonder where she'd gone
To secret doors down corridors
She'd wander them alone
All alone

Where are the days when my writing flowed freely? It's now stagnant, choking on its own reservation. I want it to be a "god-damned hurricane." Once it tore furiously through the page, unafraid, uninhibited, and existing for its own sake. Even a year ago, in Performative Fiction, a violent torrent projected from my fingertips. Now, it's bland, barely palatable, plain yogurt. What the hell has happened?

Once, years ago... high school maybe, it was such sound and fury. Now, it's logic and reason, eeking out, making the "ppffffffffffff" noise of a bike tire with a slow leak, when it should be a missile whistling through the sky, raging on. All I've got in the arsenal now are occasional spurts of worthwhile poetry. I've become boring. Stunted, deliberate words, sentences, and phrasing. How did I become my own censor when I just want to burst through?

Sample Cover Letter for Journal Manuscript Resubmission

2005-08-05T10:16:00.000-04:00

Hilarious. Trust me.

Sara, J'Lynn, Chris

2005-08-05T09:54:00.000-04:00

Sara is leaving for India this Sunday and will be home all day Saturday afternoon. I'll drop by and say goodbye, wish her the best. We were good friends the first year of law school. Then kind of did different things and didn't see each other much anymore. It happens. People drift.

I'm pretty sure J'Lynn and Randal are coming to Buffalo next Saturday. It'll be so good to see them. There's no excuse for not going to Toronto this time - my car won't spontaneously die AND travels on highways.

Chris - Happy birthday : )

the machine

2005-08-03T00:30:00.000-04:00

The machine we built
did not tremor through the clouds
traverse arrow-like into the sky
to meet a pregnant moon

The thread we wove
did not clothe and left us
trembling and naked
sifting through miscarried remains

We came here from a dream
lassoed in a red night
and were everything and nothing

Unforgiven blasphemy
and unforgotten prayer
yearn for a resting place

My favorite former Buffalonians

2005-08-02T16:49:00.000-04:00

The infamous Chris.
Yes, it's sideways, but only b/c the wonders of technology enables us to post pics sideways.

Debbie McDebbie! She rocks, and is teaching English in Japan, dying for some Mac 'n Cheese.

Reprieve

2005-08-02T13:21:00.000-04:00

from now until the 28th, all i have is part time work. my plan is write and read a lot, and of course, the paper, the resume, cover letters, and loan consolidation paperwork. i guess this is as idyllic as it gets for a while. really though, i need some walden-time. a reprieve from everything that doesn't have a purpose for being in my life.

The Bar

2005-07-27T10:52:00.000-04:00

The Bar Exam really does a number on you. I hung out w/ Chris and Ava Sunday night, when we tried not to discuss it, walked around Baird Point, a spot on campus w/ a pretty large man-made lake, ducks, and these 30-40 foot Greek columns. Most of the time was spent making sure that Cooper didn't eat duck poop. You'd think a guide dog would have more sense and dignity. At this point, poor Chris was unshaven, disheveled, and very tired, anxious, and nervous. Ava was saying she just wants to scream, so I shouted into the air, "Fuck the Bar!" and hoped the entire Flint Apartments (filled w/ law students) would join in the resounding battlecry. On Monday morning, I gave him a ride to the dreaded exam. While he was getting ready, Ava and I pretended to be calm, cool, and collected. I'm sure Chris did the same. Results come back in November. And get this, if you passed, your name is printed in the Wall Street Journal or New York Times... Like there's not enough pressure already.

2005-07-20T00:39:00.000-04:00

Tried to take a picture of myself w/ a very fancy digital camera.

2005-07-20T00:37:00.000-04:00

My first car. Hopefully retiring to a good home.

2005-07-20T00:34:00.000-04:00

My car. : )

Typhoon in Taiwan. Batman Begins.

2005-07-18T23:04:00.000-04:00

I called my mom to see if she was OK b/c I heard from Christian that a typhoon hit Taiwan. Luckily everything's fine and it skipped right on to China. Taiwan sees a few typhoons every year, which usually brings flooding and some deaths. Earthquakes are a bit more frequent than typhoons, and usually involve more carnage and pandemonium.

On a lighter note, I finally saw Batman Begins. Dialogue was a bit contrived at times and there were actors speaking Chinese though Bruce Wayne learned mainly Ninja stuff from a Japanese master at a Japanese temple. A tad confusing. Also, Katie Holmes just didn't do her role justice as an Assistant D.A. and Bruce's love interest. Otherwise, it was a pretty good movie. Not to mention Christian Bale... goodness... *fanning self* The story is very well-put together and developed. A ton of interesting characters. Great action sequences, where it's intense, but not so much going on that you don't know what's going on. Very dark. The best Batman (both movie and actor) by far. Whoever cast Val Kilmer a while ago should continue hiding in shame. B+

The Jenmobile

2005-07-17T20:01:00.000-04:00

I bought a car! : D It's a gray '99 Hyundai Elantra 5 Door (okay, it's a stationwagon - but it's cute and hatchbacky). In excellent condition, 63,000 miles, power everything, drives great. With help from my mom I was able to buy this car. I appreciate it so much that my parents have helped me out financially so that I don't have to go to school and work full time or take out yet more loans. I don't know if I could handle that.

Not to say that I won't miss the Volvo, but I won't. You know, it was a love-hate relationship... I loved it when it started and really hated it when it didn't.

Reasons the Volvo (my veteran) had to go:
1. A few miles after it hit 200,000, it sputtered and died when I was trying to get to work. In the evening, it ran fine.
2. Brake lights spontaneously stopped working and got me a ticket a few days ago.
3. I like to not die while I'm driving in the winter.
4. Can't take the highway - ball joint thingy/violent shaking issue.
4. NO RADIO!!!
5. Rust.
6. It will continue to sputter, die, raise my blood pressure, and break my heart.

Reasons why I loved it and hope it goes to Volvo heaven:
1. It was my first car.
2. It got to 200,000.

Maybe Alanis can work this into a song. The day I got the Hyundai, I went out for dinner, and got food poisoning. Isn't it ironic?

Food poisoning is a painful and nauseating experience. I slept and vomited continuously from Friday night to Sunday morning. A whole Saturday was devoted to throwing up and sleeping. It's Sunday night now and I can only eat bread and drink milk.

But, I have a good car! : D

Pics Coming Soon

2005-06-30T12:51:00.000-04:00

When Taylor sends them out, I'll post pics of Taylor, Chris, Debbie, Gary, and me. Last Saturday was a great day. We went swimming at Gary's folk's house, ate at My Tomato Pie, hung out at Gary's apartment, then headed to Chris's apartment to chill some more.

Summertime and the livin's easy

2005-06-30T12:14:00.000-04:00

I've seen my friends a lot these past couple of weeks.

Things we've done:

Driving range
Swimming
Dinner
Sex and the City night
Filling out employment forms
Worked on the Volvo
Watched movies on my small-screen TV

Yet to do:

4th of July BBQ (work party - they like me, they really do!)

I have to say I really enjoy Buffalo summers. Even if it's hot, it's not as humid as Florida. Everyone's out and about, and everything's laid back. Though there's work and classes, it's not as hectic as during Spring and Fall semesters.

Those to leave:

Ren - Today
Debbie - This week or early next
Chris - end of July
Inna - end of July

Sheesh.

Departing Friends

2005-06-24T09:45:00.000-04:00

Ren is leaving next Thursday to begin working at a dental practice in Toronto. I'm going to miss hanging out w/ him. Over the past few months, he's become a great neighbor and good friend. And (to the best of my knowledge) it's a sweet, platonic thing. We hang out a few times a week, sitting around watching Daily Show

Deb is leaving mid-July to teach English in Japan. Chris is leaving in mid-July to clerk for the 3rd Appellate Division in NY. They have become my closest friends in Buffalo and I'm going to miss them tremendously. I honestly hope that we keep in touch.

I've never taken leaving friends or friends leaving so hard as now. It's just always happened w/ every move to a new city, a new school, a new country, and it was no big deal. I know a couple of my friends will always be a part of my life, but I'm so close to them, it's not even a question. In undergrad, I had a ton of friends, but only talk to a couple of them online occasionally. In Taiwan, I was as extroverted as I'll ever be, made a lot of friends too, and don't talk to any of them now. In law school, I settled down a little more and made not as many friends, but a few very good friends, and now it's a little hard to see them leave not knowing for sure if we'll stay in touch.

To the Universe for review (Chronicle of Time and the Universe of the Universe in the Universe circa the Universe: beg. Chpt. 82: DAWN OF MAN - DRAFT)

2005-06-19T09:53:00.000-04:00

To the Universe for review (Chronicle of Time and the Universe of the Universe in the Universe circa the Universe: beg. Chpt. 82: DAWN OF MAN - DRAFT):

The dawn of man was a dubious event for the Universe. The Universe had been awake since the dawn of time and now this minutiae rock in an air pocket stood still. Don’t you realize the significance of that? A still rock gathers moss. When this skuzzy little pebble began to sprout its own organisms, the Universe was rather pissed. Not only did the rock lodge itself in It's trachea, but microbial crap of all kind started to form as well.

P.S. As your trusted biographer, I believe the title is too short. Ibid.

i'd take a non-fatal, minimal scarring bullet (as long as it's not in the face) for a couple of my friends

2005-06-17T23:00:00.000-04:00

i have such good friends. they come see me in buffalo, they give great advice, they're so friggin' good to me, they offer me their girlfriends... oh, did i say that out loud? i don't know what i'd do w/o my friends.

the guy next door and i had an interesting conversation. he's in the military and was talking about some of the traumatic things he did and witnessed. i fessed up and said though i believe in the democratic ideals our country was founded on, i wouldn't die for them. and he said he absolutely would. it was moving to hear someone unequivocally declare that they were willing to die for their convictions. there really isn't much i'm willing to die for... if anything at all. maybe that means i'm selfish, but i don't think it makes me a bad person.

Orphan Works

2005-06-16T14:34:00.000-04:00

I ran across a great article about copyright law and orphan works. Orphan works are basically works for which the creator cannot be found. In many cases, the issue arises when an author, filmmaker, etc. wishes to incorporate original works into his/her subsequent work, but cannot find the original creator from whom to obtain permission. It's reasonable to assume that under some of these circumstances the copyright has expired (e.g., a 100 year old book). These original works cannot be preserved, archived, or have any value to anyone - in academia or otherwise - without the permission of the creator, who cannot be found and is likely dead. So, these works basically disintegrate like they never existed - even if someone would like to revive them. For example, currently, we have the technology to enable us to archive every literary work that's ever been found (See Kahle v. Ashcroft), but are caught in a tenuous position where copyright holders' rights must be protected even if the copyright holder never comes forward to claim the work as his own. When copyright expires, the work is supposed to fall into the public domain to be used and owned by everyone. But w/ the change in the nature of copyright law since 1976, and subsequent changes such as the Copyright Extension Act of 1998, nothing falls into the public domain, copyright is extended indefinitely, and the work loses any sort of value as it is rendered unusable by anyone without the creator's permission. Once a work is lost to the physical effects of time, we are denied access to invaluable information and will lose forever a part of our creative history.

How to Hustle without Conning Anyone

2005-06-15T12:56:00.000-04:00

After class, I'm calling the financial advisor at the University to see if he can give me some advice about reducing my debt. Also, I'm going to register for Amazon or EBay and type in all the ISBN numbers of most of my law books to see if anyone bites. I've been considering kind of an unusual option for paying off debt. After I apply for jobs later on in the summer, if nothing looks that good or no one is willing to pay me more than $40k, I may teach for a year or two in Japan. The JET program pays around $40k and living expenses will be so much less than in America. Plus, I really enjoyed teaching English in Taiwan, and I'll be a few hundred miles away from Taiwan so I can visit my mom every couple of months. For now, I've got my two jobs, but I may add another for the summer - 16 hrs a week (maybe more once summer classes end in early July) wiping ass for $12 an hour. My roommate is a nurse and told me about nurses' aides. Not a glamourous job, but sick people need help and I need money.

How to Hustle without Conning Anyone:
1. Wipe a lot of ass as a nurses' aide
2. Sell books and other furniture and possessions (e.g., DVD player, dressers, etc.) I don't need
3. Freelance edit (this is more difficult over the summer w/ less students on campus)
4. CONSOLIDATE
5. Sell a foot of hair (almost there)
6. Someone's got to want my plasma

So, after school, there are a few options:
1. Find a job in editing/publishing
2. Teach English in Japan (it would be awesome if I can find a company that wants to teach their employees English - could probably get $50k or more for that)

It would be nice if I only had to worry about school, rather than school and money. But, it is what it is.

Who said there's no such thing as a free lunch?

2005-06-02T12:11:00.000-04:00

Apparently, I'm a pretty hard worker. Who knew? Val (boss) is taking Jason (tech writer) and I (editor) out to lunch for putting in so much work on the Tech Tools project just before and during exam week.

Things to do with Christian when he visits that won't break anyone's bank account:
1. Thursday in the Square
2. Going to that bar w/ a rainbow flag waving in the entrance
3. Niagara Falls - again
4. Free movie - Mr. and Mrs. Smith (Brad and Angelina... eye candy for both of us)
5. Toronto! - window shopping and Chinatown
6. Lots of hanging out w/ friends (Deb, Chris, etc.)
7. Maybe wine tasting in Niagara County - if it doesn't require highway driving to get there; there's still that wobbling-wheel-at-high-speeds issue w/ the Volvo
8. Etcetera

To Do This Summer

2005-05-31T15:40:00.000-04:00

1. Tailor resume for publishing world.
2. Apply for jobs in Florida and other places.
3. Pass 2 classes.
4. Register for rest of Fall classes.
5. Sell all the stuff I don't need to make moving easier.
6. Figure out the moving situation in December.
7. Get a massive loan to pay off some debt.
8. Do some accounting.
9. Take out more loans.
10. Consolidate loans.
11. Learn more grammar and style for future job.
12. Figure out the car situation for Florida and the move.

the book was better.

2005-05-25T09:52:00.000-04:00

hitchhiker's guide was fun, but, like watching the goonies as an adult, it got annoying halfway through w/ all the screaming and fast pace. sam rockwell's character, zaphod beeblebrox, president of the universe, was a delightful and hilarious caricature of G.W.

ooh, a rousing debate in evidence about whether bloody, gory pictures of the crime scene would unfairly prejudice the defendant.

once a dork, always a dork

2005-05-18T16:39:00.000-04:00

hayman and i were talking about how uncool we were in high school, and i think i'm still a big dork - just cuter.

evidence of dorkiness:
1. i cry when i see old men eating by themselves.
2. i can't kill spiders.
3. i watch golden girls.
4. i love editing.
5. computer geeks schmooze better than i do.
6. i hang out at bookstores.
7. more times than i can remember, i've said, "the book was better."
8. i'm afraid of the dark.
9. and ghosts.

by the way, one of my co-workers at CIT (computing and information technology) said that law people are weird. ha! a computer geek told me this. we're weird? clearly, she's mistaken.

things i wonder about...

2005-05-18T14:41:00.000-04:00

1. why do old people smell weird? don't pretend you don't know what i'm talking about. you know, that sweet, mothballish smell. is it the smell of wisdom and experience oozing through their pores? or maybe it's just hard to wash b/c they're not as flexible as they used to be.

2. why do old people play bridge? i think it's like the texas hold 'em of our generation. mental note, in 40 years get together and play hold 'em w/ other old folks.

3. why is the ratio of hot asian guys to hot asian girls like 98% to 2%? this is why i couldn't get a hot asian guy. the 2 of them that exist are already with really hot asian girls, and the 98 goofy looking ones are also with hot asian girls due to the skewed ratio. therefore, as a semi-hot asian chick, i would end up with the bottom of the barrel of the goofy 98%.

4. why do i continue the education that's giving me a bald spot? i swear, my hair is thinning (though i still fish a large hairball out of the drain after a shower) and my part is growing.

5. do female animals mark their territory? or is it just a male thing? maybe that's why guys are so messy, it drives other people away from the general vicinity.

Done, But No Break.

2005-05-18T13:51:00.000-04:00

Ah, my law school classmates are graduating. I'll be graduating a semester later. I could've walked with them at graduation, but it was just too much trouble. Also, it might feel a little weird since I won't be out of here until December. But, I really bonded with the people that just graduated. We came into this thing together, got the hell pounded out of us by the Socratic method together, partied together, and saw each other nearly everyday for 3 years. 2005 is my class and I'm really going to miss these guys. I've never experienced camraderie like this before and it's really a heartwarming thing.

Things I did since I last blogged:

1. Celebrated my birthday at a friend's graduation party.
2. Called Mike to say happy birthday.
3. Took 2 exams - one filled w/ bar questions.
4. Finished a paper.
5. Worked a whole lot.
6. Attached my bumper back on my car with the power of my bulging muscles.
7. Not go to the gym.
8. Worked some more.
9. Saw Hitchhiker's Guide.
10. Watched my roommate move in.
11. No laundry.
12. Ate a lot of free breakfasts courtesy of the law school during exam time.
13. Slept 5 hours in 2 nights.
14. Talked to my dad who wants to retire to the mountains in a couple years.
15. As of 10 minutes ago, lost my paycheck while at work.

Also, I had my last exam yesterday and summer classes start this coming Monday. Unbelievable, huh? They hate us. They want us bitter, cynical, stressed out, and overworked so we'll be great lawyers.

Christian is coming up in mid-June!! : )

Extension.

2005-05-05T10:40:00.000-04:00

My Indian Law professors let me have a 2 day extension on this paper. The presentation went really well and I actually know what I'm talking about. No problems fielding the questions. I actually got a kick out of it, and I am definitely not a public speaking kind of person.

So, paper's due Monday. Then 2 exams. And a whole lot of work.

Indian Law Paper Outline

2005-05-01T23:00:00.000-04:00

My Indian Law paper in a nutshell:

I. Intro
A. Indigenous peoples get the shaft everywhere, including Taiwan
B. Tons of discrimination and unequal access to education, health care, opportunities, etc.
C. There has been a lot of progress w/ the Democratic Progressive Party in power, but is it just lip service?

II. Taiwan's Peoples
A. Aborigine (Austronesian - Malayo-Polynesian; in Taiwan for at least 5000 years)
B. Hoklo (Han Chinese - from Southern Fujian; in Taiwan since 1600's)
C. Hakka (Han Chinese - from Guangdong; in Taiwan since 1600's)
D. Mainlanders (Han Chinese - from all over China; in Taiwan since 1949)

III. Taiwan's Colonial History
A. Dutch (Drastic decrease in deer - principal food, pushed Plains Indigenous into mountains)
B. Ming Dynasty (Beginning of Chinese rule, Han Chinese outnumbered Indigenous)
C. Ching Dynasty (Confucian ideals, first of 3 name changes, considered Indigenous savages)
D. Japanese (Ruled w/ iron fist under martial law, and all sorts of wrongdoing)
E. Nationalist Party (Continued systematic assimilation, and more all sorts of wrongdoing)

IV. Taiwan's Current Political Climate
A. Reunification (Nationalist Party) v. Independence (Democratic Progressive Party)

V. Fifteen Years of Progress Toward Indigenous Autonomy
A. Tons of legislation
B. Most recently the creation of Indigenous Autonomous Areas

VI. Indigenous Peoples as Poster Children for Taiwan's Independence
A. Ethnically, Taiwanese and Chinese are different b/c of centuries of Indigenous intermarriage
B. Culturally, Taiwan promotes Indigenous rights unlike China; also, heterogenous culture

VII. The Taroko Story - Politics, Business, and Land
A. "Aboriginal Reserve Lands" - collusion of politics and business to dispossess Indigenous land
B. Political parties and reunification/independence issues split Indigenous loyalties
C. Court case granting return of Taroko land and Asia Cement refusing to comply
D. Racial slurs from politicians

VIII. Conclusion
A. Still a lot of discrimination and corruption due to colonial history despite tons of legislation
B. Thus, IAA's must be controlled by Indigenous tribes and they must be sovereign

Germany. May Blitz. Red and Blue.

2005-05-01T17:34:00.000-04:00

J'Lynn and Randal are in Germany this week for their 1 year anniversary. Congrats to the happy couple : )

Meanwhile, I have 4 days to bang out a 20 page paper (1/2 written, but just came up w/ a thesis yesterday), 4 page assignment, and 2 very convoluted case briefs. Then take a couple exams in the middle of May. Maybe I should get an extension this paper. Then again, this is cake compared to last semester when I had 8 million things to do.

I heard that in red states, more people went to see Sahara, and in blue states more people went to see Sin City. Interesting... If Matthew McConaughey was in Sin City, I'd see it twice. I like blondes and I'm not afraid to admit it!

2005-04-28T09:13:00.000-04:00

O'Brian Hall. To school now I will go.

2005-04-25T19:55:00.000-04:00

Just to clear up any confusion for you Floridians, this is why I'm migrating south.

2005-04-25T19:48:00.000-04:00

My lovely desk.

2005-04-25T19:46:00.000-04:00

The kitchen.

2005-04-25T19:44:00.000-04:00

View outside the kitchen window. Suburban Buffalo is pretty nice.

2005-04-25T19:43:00.000-04:00

The view outside the kitchen window 2 months later. Winter wonderland or scary forest where evil gnomes live?

2005-04-25T19:40:00.000-04:00

Nearly 200,000 miles and still going strong!

Walden Time.

2005-04-24T13:12:00.000-04:00

I'm successfully avoiding paper-writing.

Mike is doing alright and living in a houseboat on the St. John's River now. Everyone needs a little Walden time in their life. I'm jealous, of course, since my dreamhouse is a beachhouse and a boathouse is pretty darn close.

Reason #487. Law Library Blog. Indian Law Paper and Love of Cookies.

2005-04-24T10:21:00.000-04:00

Reason #487 why Buffalo is uninhabitable for tropical people:
Brushing snow off your car in late April.

I shouldn't be so surprised, it snowed in May last year. And the year before.

The law library is still being cleaned up. Carpet laying, furniture reassembling, de-sooting every book. Floors 4-7 have been fully functional for a couple weeks now. It was OK in here when I worked last Sunday, but the air today feels kind of thick and it's making my mouth dry. Argh, I have to be here until 6pm. The lower floors are extra sooty and still inaccessible: http://ublawlib.blogspot.com/.

I think Lockwood Library (next building over) is open until midnight tonight. So, after work, I'm heading over there and staying till at least 10pm. The page requirement for my Indian Law paper is 20-30 pages. I was going for 25 so I didn't look like a lazy ass, but now, I'm shooting for 22. There are 21 pages to go and 10 days, but I've still got a little pride. ; ) Don't hold me to it though, when the deadline gets closer I may realize that pride is foolish and let it go for purposes of personal development. I'm so friggin' lazy when it comes to school, I deserve a medal. Or at least a cookie. Mmm... cookie. You know, I'm not much for sweets, but when I was in Taiwan for 7 months, I would've paid $10 for just one real American, chocolate chip cookie. It didn't even have to be oven baked, just kind of soft and warm would've made my week. I have from that moment forward professed my undying love for cookies. You may ask if this love is unconditional, extending to cookies of every variety, shape, and size. Alas, it is not. I'm the monogamous type and my heart belongs to the chocolate chip cookie.

I think it's obvious from my monologue on cookies that I'm avoiding writing this paper.

Outside of the Spot on the Sidewalk

2005-04-23T11:01:00.000-04:00

Outside of the Spot on the sidewalk
an elderly woman struggles
to steady her fingers long enough
to line a quarter up with the slot.
All she wants the Buffalo News.
I drink my fancy coffee and highlight:
"reasonable person under
these circumstances."

A few pages later I look up
and out the window she's still there.
Fat raindrops
soaking her strips of white hair
while eyes on the ground
she searches for a lost quarter.

I'd help her out,
but I don't have a quarter.

She looks so long I figure
she doesn't have another.
Her tattered clothes tell me
she doesn't have another.
I go back to the books
to learn about justice and logic.

I'd help her out,
but people might stare.

The letters on the page
blur and fade when
in the corner of my eye
she won't leave the machine
that's wallowed what must be
the highlight of her day.

I'd help her out,
but she doesn't need my pity.

She reads the front page
beneath rain streaked glass
and still tries to find her quarter.
And I can't not look.

I break a ten,
and go stand by her in the cold rain.

We talk about the missing coin
she looks surprised I noticed.
Quick glance, no quarter.
"I saw you standing here for a while,
can I give you another one?"

She smiles and thanks me.
But I want to thank her
as I learned more this afternoon
looking out the window of a coffeeshop
than in three years of law school.

Blurbity, Blurb, Blurb. People who talk on their cell phone for more than 10 minutes while people around them are trying to study should be shot.

2005-04-19T22:10:00.001-04:00

I blurbed for a few hours at work today. We needed software blurbs written specifically for incoming Freshmen who might not know what the software does and whether they need it. The variety was refreshing. It's one of two times I've written anything for work. Editing is much more enjoyable than tech writing, but occasional, less technical tech writing is kind of fun. Who knew?

After all that blurbing, I sat around and did nothing for 3 hours (shame on me), then went to the gym. The following activities listed per each day are in random order:

Monday: 2 cigarettes; 35 min on elliptical, 25 minute walk in the magnificent weather; work; class
Tuesday (today): 1 cigarette; 20 min on elliptical, stretched w/ trainer (4 free sessions), 3 sets of 15-20 on tummy, tush, and armflab; work; class

From the gym, I headed straight to the bookstore to write some of my paper for Indian Law. Often, Barnes and Noble is where I go to study. It's close, there are tables, and I browse books when I need a break - yes, we've established I am exponentially cool. I didn't get coffee or anything since I wanted to just sit down and bang out 3 hours of work. The little cafe area in B&N was full of other people trying to study. The woman next to me was making appointments w/ clients on the phone, and each call consisted of 20 minutes of schmoozing. So, she made 3 phone calls and schmoozed for an hour straight while most of us were trying to study. My God, the gall. I exchanged annoyed-irritated glances with a girl who had a stack of books on her table. One of us should've grown some balls and told the schmoozer to take her yapping elsewhere. But, we just discreetly glared at her. I finally got up and left. So much for studying.

Faux Workout. My Future as an Inflatable Furniture Maker.

2005-04-18T17:50:00.000-04:00

I went to the gym last night. Technically. So, I sat in the hot tub for half an hour... No one has to know. Shhh...

What do we think of inflatable furniture? There's a guy who has a company that makes inflatable surfboards. They look like real surfboards, they're really durable, and convenient to transport. So why not have furniture made of similar inflatable material. Moving would be so much easier - especially if you're not a muscle bound guy or female wrestler. Just deflate, throw all your furniture (desk, chairs, tables, couches, etc.) into a couple boxes, pack up all your other stuff, and move on out. If there was a way to make inflatable furniture affordable and comfortable, I would be all over that.

My Friendly Neighborhood Tops. Hanging Out. Time to Get Crackin'. Potentially Selling My Body.

2005-04-17T10:21:00.000-04:00

It's the best feeling in the world having to make 2 trips to the car to get your groceries. I have a real affinity for Tops. Using the bonus card, I saved $20 on $80 worth of groceries and stocked my fridge and freezer for a couple weeks. Since I enjoy telling you so much what my groceries were, here it is: cereal, milk, juice, chicken, beef, pork, perch, air freshener, onion rolls, yogurt, bananas, salad, apples, garlic, onions, broccoli, tomatos, toothpaste, ginger, turkey, mayo, clam chowder, green peppers, red peppers, mushrooms, and baked beans. Amazing, I know.

Deb came over for dinner on Friday night. I made chicken and green peppers, white rice, and a salad w/ apple slices. It was yummy. Downstairs neighbor Ren came up and hung out w/ us. We watched 21 Grams, a bit disconcerting, but a great movie. Very artistic camera angles, deep, yet muted colors, enthralling story, and almost painful to watch b/c the acting is superb. Whoever the leading actress is - give the woman an Oscar! Yesterday, I hung out w/ Chris, Ava, and Fred for a couple hours. By July, 4 of my friends will leave for Albany, NYC, and Japan. Crikey (pronounced "croi-key").

I haven't been gymming regularly this week, but I've done a lot of research and crafted an outline for my Indian Law paper. It's a good trade-off (though an excuse nevertheless) since the 25 pg paper is due in 2 weeks. Eeek! Going at this pace, it'll be fine. In the next 2 weeks, there are also 2 case briefs, an assignment, and an "on" day for Child Welfare. Then, 2 exams after that for classes which I know nothing about. It's time to hit the books. If my paper can be done before the 5/4 deadline, it would be great. I'd like to put together a nice Powerpoint Presentation w/ pics from the Taroko Gorge and Hualien (the area being discussed in the paper), and other images scanned in from books, articles, etc. Next Tuesday, I have another appointment at the gym. I don't know what that entails, but it doesn't revolve around my flab.

I'm currently in an alcohol research study. I will make $330 for less than 10 hours of work (which consists of going to a few appointments where researchers ask about your drinking habits). I should sell my hair and look into selling an egg. I would sell my hair in a second if they promise to make it look cute, not cut it too short, and pay me at least $100. It's quality hair - shiny, long, strong, no split ends, and doesn't knot. The egg thing requires serious consideration and research.

A Peek Into My Inexplicably Exciting Life

2005-04-13T11:43:00.000-04:00

Done Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday: Cleaned the house (with Clorox lemon-scented wipes), did the dishes, did a load of laundry, finished the cite pack for the Public Interest Law Journal, found an Idaho Supreme Court case re: child welfare and drug addiction and wrote a beautiful case brief, copied NY Criminal Practice outline, got $5 in gas that will last till tomorrow (payday), took care of car insurance, and worked.

Today: Printed out articles (and reading them now) for my Indian Law paper, work 6 hours, go to class for 3 hours, read more articles in class, maybe make it to the gym if I don't fall asleep driving home.

Tomorrow afternoon: After my morning class, I'm signed up for an alcohol study for about a cumulative 10 hours of surveying/discussion over a few weeks to make $300. Sweet, huh? Tomorrow is my first session w/ them. It's kind of a pain in the ass b/c I have to drive downtown, but it's worth it.

Tomorrow night: My gym is going to tell me I have this much (---------------------------) fat I need to lose to be svelte. Oh, please pinch anything w/ the metal claw thing other than my tummy. A thigh, a cheek, even some armfat... anything but the tummy. It would be nice to get bubbly in the hot tub, but I couldn't find a decent bathing suit at Target or TJMaxx, so I may have to wear the one I've had since I was 16 that makes me look completely boobless.

To do this week: A whole lot of studying for all of my classes - these must materialize: Indian Law paper outline, Child Welfare notes for the reading the day I'll be called on; these must be scoured: Crim Pro outline and tapes, NY Criminal Practice outline, and that reading for Child Welfare (Deb - want to be a nerd w/ me at the library or Spot?), more gymming, more work, grocery shopping, more laundry, and find out what the hell's going on w/ my federal tax refund.

To do next week: Make sure my FAFSA's OK and the errors are corrected, gymming, studying, working.

Recently...

2005-04-11T12:46:00.000-04:00

1. The elliptical and I are like this *fingers crossed*.

2. Mike is doing OK in FL.

3. I need to learn something for 2 of my classes.

4. My insurance is cheaper after it lapsed.

5. I have a new roommate, moving in in May or June.

6. The weather has been beautiful the last few days.

7. I have great friends.

8. My Friday nights have been awesome.

9. I really want to see Sin City.

10. Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper is pretty tasty.

11. I get to take 9 credits of non-law courses in Fall.

Grrr

2005-04-06T14:38:00.000-04:00

Today is a day of much anger. I've been thinking about the same shitty thing all day. I'm going to take it out on the elliptical tonight.

gymming

2005-04-05T22:17:00.000-04:00

35 min on the elliptical. 3 sets of 15 of tummy, triceps, and tush exercises w/ the weight machines. i feel good : )

Friday Night at Cole's. Roommate.

2005-04-05T12:31:00.000-04:00

Friday night was awesome. Debbie, Inna, Sadie, Nicole, and I got together at Cole's and I had so much fun, my cheeks hurt from laughing. I wish I'd recorded some of our conversations, they were so damn funny. A bunch of dirty little secrets spilled with our drinks, and now everyone knows that my level of badassness may top that of anyone else in the group. Come on, it was college! Also, we were definitely the cutest table of girls there - all of us are exceedingly cute, I think. It was great to feel my inner hotness being replenished ; ) Everyone only had a couple drinks, but it was a celebratory night (Debbie got into Japan! www.ineffableday.blogspot.com), and we did just that.

Yesterday, a potential roommate stopped by. She's graduating the same time as me, a very nice person, we got along really well, and talked for an hour and a half. Finally, a good one : ) She liked the apt a lot, so I'll hear back from her by next week and know for sure.

Jury room. Pork chops. Tonight.

2005-04-01T14:52:00.000-05:00

The library's still in exile. The AV center is currently in the jury room, which is attached to the courtroom. So, I'm working from 1p-5p in the jury room on Fridays until the law library re-opens. That leaves Saturdays and Sundays free. I have a lot of schoolwork to do this weekend. I need to start memorizing stuff for my crim law classes.

Last night, I marinated some pork chops in pork seasoning, Chiavetta sauce (tangy), Italian salad dressing, and garlic, then cooked them up. They weren't as scrumptious as I expected though. That gamey taste was still there.

Tonight should be fun. We haven't done girls' night in a very long time. Deb and I are getting bubbly tonight at the hot tub. Oh, sweet bubbles. I got a 3 month membership at the BAC for $50 : ) After that, we're meeting up w/ Stef, Inna, Nicole, and maybe Sadie at Cole's.

forgotten class. the kindness of debbie. all-nighter.

2005-03-31T13:16:00.000-05:00

I missed my Tuesday morning class b/c I completely forgot I had class. I woke up around 8, then just sat around until I went to work at 11:45. Class didn't even cross my mind. That's the first time I've ever forgotten I have class. That was weird. Why isn't school over yet? This is clearly a sign that it should be.

Deb did something really nice for me since I've been dealing w/ a lot lately, which was so sweet : )

I pulled an all-nighter writing this Child Welfare paper. Unfortunately, I have to work for 6 hrs today right after class (at work now). When I get home, I'm going to crash.