Feel the Crunch!

Why, oh, why is there a need for a 40 minute presentation on ANYTHING. Aarrrgghh. One of my favorite professors turns out to be a little sadistic. Thursday is the dreaded day. Topic: Climate change, the Inuit, and their petition in the Inter-American Commission on Human Rights alleging human rights violations (including the rights to property, culture, and subsistence) by the US (which emits 25% of the world's greenhouse gases) for refusing to curtail its greenhouse gas emissions. It should be a real hoot. Yes, I said "hoot."

After I give this presentation, I have another presentation in another 3 hour class. To top it all off, I have a short paper to turn in on that day. AND worrying about all of this and the tremendous amount of work I've been doing making sure I don't look like an idiot for 40 minutes has left me no time to write my term paper due in a week. CHRIST...

On a happy note - Congratulations, Esquire Chris : )

Mohawk, Mutua, Ask Questions

It has been a real eye-opening experience taking classes with John Mohawk and Makau Mutua. I'm glad to have studied social history and human rights under these two amazing people. Some simple questions were asked that matter for two reasons 1) simply because they exist - knowledge for the sake of knowledge, and 2) because they reveal how human beings relate, how the world works, how this came to pass, and what can be improved - knowledge as practical to our history, our future, and our present lives. Some of the questions asked were: Why do we do what we do? Why do we protect certain ideas? Are there inalienable rights? How does society shape itself? Why should we care about that which stands in the way of progress? What is progress? What is quality? And so on...

9th book read in 2005:
In the Absence of the Sacred: The Failure of Technology and the Survival of the Indian Nations - Jerry Mander** (highly, highly recommended)

Must read for 2006:

1. Utopian Legacies - John Mohawk
2. "The Harried Society" - L.A. Times articles by Kent McDougall
3. Stone Age Economics - Marshall Sahlins
4. Open Veins of Latin America - Eduardo Galeano

this one's for you, j'lynn

On this day in 2001, Leon Resnick, 31, of Florida, dies on jet ski when he's hit square in face by low-flying duck.

I hope the duck survived.

For other fun facts on "This Day in History" check the new feature on the sidebar.

Conversation with Dad

I spoke with my father this afternoon. He's fine with me living with Christian whereas I thought he would be offended that I didn't want to live at home. I told him I should've listened to him regarding Mike, but I learned an important lesson on my own. He understood and said that some people aren't bad people or I wouldn't be with them, but their values are too different. He also said it's not that family isn't important - it is, but everyone should do what makes them happy. I couldn't agree more. For the first time maybe ever we see eye to eye. It took me growing up, and him mellowing out.

screwy night's sleep (not in a good way). "free" stuff.

For me, Thursdays feel longer than the Ice Age. I'm sure I've bitched about it before. If not, I'm sorry to have deprived you and here is said bitching: Class 9:45-12:45, Class 1:15-2:45, Class 4:00-6:15, Class 6:15-9:15. After my notorious 12 hour Thursday, I went over to Claire's (she lives on campus) to make sure she has directions to the airport and we ended up hanging out for an hour or two. I met her friend (also law student) Stephanie Seitz, who is running for county legislator. We tore into the professors who should never have been let loose upon the student population. Good fun. After I came home, I chatted w/ my my roommate about relationships, moving, addictions, panic modes, etc. til 1 a.m. Then, I couldn't sleep, so watched some T.V. and finally went to bed around 2:30 a.m. At 4 a.m., I got up to drive Clarie to the airport for her 6 a.m. flight. I got up so god awful early because I wasn't sure what the roads were going to be like and to make time for the very possible situation of getting lost (sometimes, I have a better chance of getting to places w/o getting lost if I were driving blindfolded). The roads were fine, not too icy or snowy. And now I know my car handles really well in somewhat wintery conditions. Got home around 6 a.m. and slept til 10 a.m. Then got up, took a shower, checked email and what not, and met my boss and former tech writer for lunch at 11:30. I'm actually wide awake for having such a screwy night's sleep.

Tonight, Amy, Carlos, and I are going to see Wedding Crashers on campus. I'm all about the weekly free movie. Kind of weird to think that this is my last month or so of getting things for free by flashing my student I.D. Good-bye free gym, movies, printing, academic journal access, and lectures. I guess none of it was actually free since my student fee was paying for it. Hmph (the sound of disgruntlement).

Southtowns, Northtowns, Lake Effect Snow

As I got closer to campus this morning, every tenth car or so was covered in snow. Must be the commuters from West Seneca, Lackawana, Hamburg, and other Southtowns, since Amherst, Tonawanda, and more northern cities and towns only got a little ice overnight.

Here's how lake effect snow works and why Buffalo gets more snow than say, Bangor, ME (thank you, Wikipedia).

Snow. 2005 Reading List.

Stef and I were eating at Seoul Garden today, when it started snowing. Nothing serious, but definitely snow. Later, listening to NPR, I learned that we should get 2-4 inches and the South towns will get 6 inches to a foot. The thing I like least about snow is that I have to wake up 20 minutes earlier to brush it off of and warm up the car, then hope I don't die while driving on icy roads.

Before the year is through, one or two more may be added.
* = Recommended
** = Highly Recommended

Books read so far this year:

1. White Roots of Peace - Paul Wallace
2. Basic Call to Consciousness - Akwasasne Notes *
3. Infinite Self: 33 Steps to Reclaiming Your Inner Power - Stuart Wilde *
4. Choke - Chuck Pahlaniuk **
5. The Barbarians Are Coming - Louie Wong
6. A History of the Wife - Marilyn Yalom
7. Crooked Timber of Humanity: Chapters in the History of Ideas - Isaiah Berlin **
8. Public Vows - Nancy F. Cott *

If I used my time more wisely, I could read so many more good books.

Law School Appreciation Day

The new tech writer I work with wants to go to law school. He's thinking of taking the LSAT next semester. I got some Chinese food after work and in line in front of me was a girl w/ two huge LSAT books. A couple weeks ago, a girl in one of my classes was considering going to law school and asked me what it was like. All these people who want to be where I am. I should appreciate this hellish experience more.

Timing Is Everything

I always park in the Park Hall lot when I work at the law library on Sundays. So, today, I pulled into one of the multiple handicapped spots like I (and about a dozen other people) do every Sunday. While at work, I don't have a view of the lot, but today, I wandered into the back office to make a phone call w/o disturbing the library patrons. This office has a view of the Park lot and what did I see but this evil cop ticketing every car in a handicapped spot. He was two cars away from mine, so I abruptly said, "I'll call you back" and hung up, then made a mad dash out to the elevator, out of the library, out of O'Brian, and across the street to the Park lot, waving, and shouting, "Officer, I'll re-park it right now!" just as he began moseying over to my car. Like an idiot, I said, "I didn't know I couldn't park here." Honestly, I thought after 6 p.m. and on weekends you could park anywhere on campus. My roommate is convinced it's after 3 p.m. The cop pointed to the handicapped sign and said, "There's a handicapped sign right here." Guess we're both wrong.

And, yes, I do enjoy using cliches for entry titles.

Life as I know it is rolling to a halt.

Lately, I've been in panic mode because my life as I know it is rolling (very quickly) to a halt. I'm graduating in a month and a half, and have 8 million things on my mind. I haven't found a job yet, need to find someone to sublet my apartment so I don't lose the security deposit, need to sell the Volvo (not going well), I have two 20 page papers to write, three presentations left, three books to read, three (3-5 pages) short papers to write, an exam to study for, have to try to sell all the furniture (aslo not going well), start packing soon, etc., etc. *deep breath* It's getting a little overwhelming. Instead of diving into it, I just want to sleep and do anything but any of those things.

I can't wait to get home. These 3.5 years have been rough. I did a lot of unnecessary things and learned most of my lessons the hard way. And I'm tired. But, now I know what I'm made of... and it's something like steel. In my mind, I've already graduated and am kicking back on a beach in Florida w/ a mai tai in hand... yes, in January. The tentative plan is to live w/ Christian until I find a job. If the job is in Orlando, then I'll probably still be housemates w/ Christian. At some point I want to visit J'Lynn for a week or two. While I'm in Orlando, I can apply for jobs until someone hires me. Also, I'd like to I take Chinese lessons from my dad and help him out with the property a couple days a week. I guess things will never be easy again like before law school. Those days are over.

Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang

I went to a free screening of Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang Monday night.

Pros
1. Pulp fiction-film noir - love it
2. Really damn funny
3. Touching at times
4. Gratuitous nudity
5. Plays with words (e.g., Detective "Gay Perry," "nightly and most mornings")
6. Robert Downey, Jr.
7. Absurdist moments keep you guessing
8. Liked the whole magician and quick hands thing
9. Nice cinematography (usually true of film noir-ish movies)

Cons
1. Val Kilmer's accent/lisp
2. Why is Harry so dumb?
3. Femme fatale is super spastic
4. Convoluted as hell plot
5. Missed my exit on the highway - damned 18 wheelers not letting me through - and had to drive 15 miles to the next exit, then loop back - so went 30 miles out of my way to see it. But, it was free.

Self-Induced Rampage

Do you ever feel a rampage of some kind coming on? You know, the feeling of wanting to do something crazy or becoming a born-again something? I don't think I can be a born again Christian if I wasn't one to begin with. That would just be converting.

Moral Midgets

Why are people so insecure that there can't be openness and honesty? It has come to my attention that there is behavior which is frequent, yet wrong. And the perpetrator of the oft-tolerated, but disrespectful, behavior probably just dismisses the fact that he did such a thing. Do I just need to accept that this happens because people are people and they will do what they do, or continue to rail against it in my moral indignation?

Epiphany #2 of the Year: Ideas, Perceptions, and Values. Isaiah Berlin's Crooked Timber of Humanity.

While reading Isaiah Berlin's The Crooked Timber of Humanity: Chapters in the History of Ideas, something tweaked in my mind and my continually repressed bohemian values resurfaced. The gist is, throughout history, there have been different ideals, different ways of thinking, and in my life, there have been different ways of thinking. Now, the 9 to 5, 40 hrs a wk, editing at a desk model is fading in favor of something freer, something closer to home. Why can't I canoe down the St. John's River today if I feel like it (if I were in Florida)? Why am I firmly planted in the culture of debt as if this were normal? Why are living expenses so damn high everywhere I look? Why am I paying to insure my car, my health? Why are my taxes going to god knows what? Why are religious values and agendas inextricable from our government?

The Crooked Timber of Humanity: Chapters in the History of Ideas
– Isaiah Berlin

This collection of essays by Isaiah Berlin serves the very important purpose of explaining the transformation of political and intellectual trends in Europe. In eight lucid and succinct essays, Berlin explains how and to what extent the pendulum swung from ancient Greece to the twentieth century. Political and cultural ideologies have ranged from the attempt to attain utopia, to romanticism, to fascism, and now to our modern nationalism.

The notion of utopia, or the ideal state, may seem strange to us today; however, Plato and countless others after him believed that there are commonly held beliefs among all humanity, universal truths were discoverable, and upon discovery, utopia was possible and ought to be the ultimate goal of society. These views grew out of Plato’s assertion that all questions have a central answer, all answers are knowable, all answers are true, and therefore cannot contradict any other answers. This utopia was essentially a perfect static state in which no conflict would occur and timeless peace would reign.

Throughout other periods of history, intellectuals rejected the concept of an ideal state because they recognized that if the ultimate truth is knowable, there is no freedom of choice. To attain this truth, this ideal state, those who held the power and knew the way of discovering the truth were willing to crush the individual to maintain public order. Individual thought would allow for room to doubt the objectives of the state, so dissent would not be tolerated. Writers like Aldous Huxley and George Orwell warned of the oppressive nature of a government whose goal was utopia, and created worlds in which the monolithic ideal state was anything but a reassuring goal for humanity.

Utopia as a tenable goal began to decline as relativism became popular during the French Enlightenment. Relativism is essentially the idea that there are many different types of perfect societies since what is ideal for one culture may not be ideal for another, and since there are many types of perfect societies according to culture, tradition, religion, etc., then a single perfect society as envisioned by Plato is illogical. In this relativist model, values cannot be universal, and thus, are not discoverable, but are instead created by the individual and the culture. A powerful force of some kind (whether superpersonal - religion, the people, the class, the state - or from the individual self - the ego) drives the formation of values. In the history of ideas, the concept that differences are to be celebrated replaced utopian ideals, which were deemed dangerous due its inevitable tendency to oppress the individual in the name of a great state objective. However, fascism grows out of extreme Romanticism. Just as each painter or author is free to create what he considers the epitome of beauty, a statesman is free to construct what he considers the ideal state. I think Berlin is saying that essentially the outcome of both striving for utopia and extreme Romanticism is fascism though he does not directly say this.

After the Thirty Years War, France became the cultural center of the world and gained great military power, Italy and Spain also flourished, but Germany remained provincial and grew to hate its neighbors - especially France. The nation was essentially traumatized as after the Thirty Years War, it could not develop as quickly as France, remained on the outskirts of the Enlightenment and Renaissance which swept through much of Europe, and was looked down upon as a backward country. Germany rejected the romanticism France had to offer, and turned to a darker vision of governance. To recover from such trauma, a country must invoke their rich, historical past, and if there is none, an unrealistic optimism instead - their backwardness is simply a symbol of the youth of the nation and heralded bigger, better things to come. Germany did just this to revive its national spirit; it rallied itself by rejecting and resenting their neighbor-enemy's values, and exaggerated its own virtues. The resistance to exploitation and a human need to belong to a group, according to Berlin, are key elements of nationalism.

Ultimately, Berlin believes that throughout history, different societies embrace different ideologies, so no single form of governance or philosophy is better than another, but rather the solution is tolerance. Such a conclusion is realistic, and practical to preserving a fragile peace, although a bit anti-climatic. Perhaps I expected some sort of revelation, some sort of answer, but if an answer were available, then that would mean questions have answers, and answers are knowable, therefore, maybe an ideal state is possible. Essentially, if I expected Berlin to give a definite answer as to the preferred ideology, then I could not claim to have learned anything from this collection of essays.

An amazing read. Basically, throughout history, the pendulum has never stopped swinging and norms have never stopped changing. Why then must I confine myself to the notion that what I wanted to pursue is the only way to be? I'm close to renouncing the pursuit of the bourgeois lifestyle for something of more substance. I'm flirting with the idea of going to Taiwan for a year or two, teaching English again, really learning my language so that it can be an asset, and spending some time with my mom there. Living expenses will be dirt cheap, the school would probably provide me with housing, and it'll be something different from this. Would there be more or less alienation in Taiwan than here? That, I don't know. But, I think I know enough to know when I'm not ready for something. There have been numerous times I've done something because I was expected to or wanted to take up the challenge, but I wasn't really ready. Have you ever read a book in your youth, then read it again several years later to discover its a much better and different book than what you read years ago? Some things, you do better when you're older, when you're ready. The history of ideas shows that values are affected by perception, by context, by what the country needs and wants, and is willing to accept as the truth at that time; the history of personal development should follow the same tenet.

Judge of Character.

It amazes me that time after time I confuse the assholes for the good guys. I'm beginning to think I'm a terrible judge of character. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted.

Whaddaya Know... I Did Learn Something

Well, I feel particularly useful today. I pointed out a potential legal issue on one of the docs I edited at work. A bunch of big wigs were gathered in the printing room, when I came in to drop something off, they went, "There she is!," and much talk proceeded regarding the legal comment. Go me.

My mom got married!

My mom got married! I haven't met him since they're in Taiwan, but I hope he's a nice guy and makes her happy. I am very impressed with the fact that he's 12 years younger than her. Go, mom!

Keepin' It Real.

Ever meet a nice boy, but not keep it as real as you c/should've b/c you're so nervous? Um, yeah, me either.